Too Busy

Let me preface this by saying, I love my friends. I need them. Lucas needs friends to play with. Jackson is needing friends to play with. But I hate being busy. It's the control side of me. I used to love busyness. It meant I was important (haha) or needed (haha). I think having a family dinner, 2 showers and a huge party is a lot to have in 3 days time. And do play groups all week. And feed 2 children and a hungry husband. And keep my kitchen in a semi-sane state of affairs. Now, it only started with my brother coming into town, and a party I agreed to help with. Somehow it ballooned into an overcommitted long weekend. How am I supposed to attend 3 things in one day? Even I'm baffled. But one is a cousin's. One I am hosting. One is the neighbor's (she can hunt me down!). :) Again, baffled.

I forgot someone was coming to my house today. I left the house this morning, got back in the car when I was done, and realized YIKES, I am SO late. I felt terrible. I was at least 30 minutes late. Now, because God is teaching me His grace, I am handling it so much better than I would have 6 months ago (which would have been guilt for 3 days, maybe a week, then reoccurences for the next 5 years). And I do want to emphasize I love all of these people. I wanted to do every bit of it, and the fact that I decided to do all of it this week, shows my inability to say no. I thought I was getting better. This week was a bad week. I saw someone I haven't seen in 2 years, another friend I haven't seen in 2 months, we had OT, I've had shopping, I wanted to get some stuff done at the house so we had the cousin over (so Lucas had someone to play with while I worked during Jack's nap)....it wasn't supposed to end up so crazy.

So, I really thought I was getting better at this. But it really seems I'm all or nothing. I don't call anyone and I have peace in my house. I call people, and suddenly my life is too busy. Gracious, that sounds depressing; what does that say about me? Again, another post for another day.