Toilet Training

I am SUPER excited that LJ is doing so well with potty training. I realize he's 3 and a half and beyond ready, but huge pregnant and with a newborn, I just wasn't ready. It has been amazing. Tim had a four day weekend, and we agreed we were not going to do anything but potty train LJ. So yesterday we started asking him a million times, he tells us yes when he has to go, we take him, he goes, he gets M&Ms. After all the bad stories (though I've heard great ones too), I think waiting longer was the way to go with LJ. I really did not expect it to be this easy. And I really did not expect to be so proud that my child is wearing underwear! :)

You know, I've learned as a mother to appreciate the simple things and have the lowest of expectations. If this is all I've accomplished this week, it is enough! God is good!

Heartbroken

This economic crisis is leaving me heartbroken. I am beginning to have good friends and family affected by it. What was the exception is becoming commonplace. My husband and I had a talk last night and what it boiled down to was, we would house friends or family if they needed it. The irony of it to me was instead of feeling overwhelmed about it or a little afraid of having people invade our home, I felt fulfilled by it. The idea of a crisis creating community at a new level makes me excited despite it coming from loss. And at the same time, I fear for the hard decisions friends and family will have to make or are making. It has reached a new level of reality when you see their struggles. I don't want them to be discouraged or fearful. I don't want them to walk through this. I want it to all get better just as they do. But in the last few days, I think I am beginning to wonder if we are in a 10 year recovery process. If things will get severely worse in 2009 to the point we have not seen since 1929. If friends and family (and us?) will be without jobs or homes or sharing homes and provisions for the next 3-5 years. Our generation hasn't even come close to seeing anything like this. Dad has 2-3 patients a day coming in and telling him about their job loss for the first time in 35 years. Our culture has created this bubble that gave us this false sense of security, and now it has broken. I wonder how our generation will recover. I don't worry so much about the financial damage - someday, our culture will recover from that. In the end, it's just money. But I wonder how we will recover emotionally and mentally. We weren't prepared. Most did not see it coming (and I'm not talking in specifics here, just our culture/generation in general). They believed the lies of the world that the money and opportunities would always be there. And now that is quickly disappearing or has disappeared, they are or will be devastated. We trusted in our culture to save us instead of God, and now we, like Israel, are going to have to trust in God to get through this.

Thankfully, he watches over us even more than the lilies of the field and the birds of the air....He gave manna from the sky to Israel....how much more will He provide for us. Our family is praying for all of you.

Behind in the New Year

Is it February? Is March almost here? Those first few months of having a newborn go by in a blur for me. Suddenly it's almost 3 months later, and I feel like I've been hibernating for winter and sticking my head out of the cave looking for spring. I miss those quiet moments first thing in the morning of last summer. I miss my quiet reflection with the Lord each morning. Now I wake up to my infant crying for food, and my 3 year old asking me a million things. I miss having moments of peace, moments to sit down and just enjoy the moment. If I'm not doing something, I'm anticipating having to do something, or I should be taking advantage of the 20 minutes I'm not taking care of 3 children. Doing what? Oh, the 3 month list of things to do. Spending time with God (very hard to focus on when having a 3 month list of things to do). Calling a friend. Doing my part-time work (it's really sad that I am at the point I almost forget I have that). Oh, and then my husband asks why the dining room table is a disaster. Or if I can talk to him. Is it sad that I really just want to run and hide from him? It's 8:30pm, and I haven't had a quiet moment all day to myself. Honey, can I talk to you in about 2 hours when I've had some time to myself and maybe accomplished something other than fixing meals and cleaning JD's chair for the zillionth time?

I try to keep reminding myself that as EK gets a little older and nurses a little less often, the quiet moments will come a little easier. But then I look at her on her floor mat with hanging giraffe and monkey and her happy little eyes, and think - really? How can I not sit beside her while she's awake even if the boys are napping? I don't understand how it happened so fast. One day, she was only eating and sleeping; now, she eats, then smiles in contentment, looks at you with her bright blue eyes and they crinkle as she realizes I'm mommy. She looks at the animals with wonder already! She draws me in and charms me, yet she's still so little and innocent.

I am so thankful for these 3 sweet little kids. I wonder, though, how I need God so much more in the minutes of my life and yet have even less time to seek Him (much less mental capacity too!) than I have at other stages of life. I yearn for His peace and wisdom, yet have so little chance to find it so I can lean on it. I guess that is when I have to rely on that groaning of the Holy Spirit. :)

There are moments there is so much to do that I feel a little lost. Not in a bad way, just at a loss for where to even start. Days go by before I remember that I left off somewhere, and yet I can't remember where it was that I left off at! I have to say, time with friends and family is so much more precious now. I cherish the moments I get with them in the midst of the chaos of three children (why do I feel like they are always eating?).

Sorry for the rambling - I think it's a little of the part of feeling lost. I am enjoying my life to the fullest, but to have it so disorganized leaves me a little baffled. And again, none of this is leaving me depressed or too overwhelmed. I'm just kind of working through this life and figuring out where I should be in the next moment.

Thank you for walking with me down this ever-changing road.