2018 Reflections
Do you ever find yourself thinking, "this isn't working?" Do you evaluate where your time and energy are going? Do you ever wonder why there is never enough of either? So many times we post a meme of a wise quote, but don't actually take that advice to heart. So many days, we just feel like we are drowning and we are at a loss at what to do about it. Part of understanding ourselves is stopping every so often and evaluating what is working, what isn't, what is important to us, and what we need to change so that we can give our best selves to those we love around us. It is being intentional.
Life just keeps moving at a faster pace for me. I need things in my life to help me keep up - Google Calendar, Google Keep, and lots of notes and checklists. Pretty much every week comes a point where I think, "Why does life seem out of control?" (Note that this is despite having a color-coded calendar and lots of notes as my memory bank.) Usually I find it has to do with getting unfocused myself, saying "yes" to things I should have said "no" to, and not sticking to the people and things I value...hence my focus words.
For the last 3 years, I have picked words to help me remember what I need to focus on. I wanted to make sure I knew where I needed to spend my time and energy. It came after a season of suffering, so my first words were things like healing and wait. I needed words that reminded me that God would bring me comfort in His time. Then came thrive and breathe and balance. Life started moving faster and I needed reminders to stop in between the chaos. 2018 began with healthy and be present and give. I don't have any specific ways to measure them. They just help bring me back to center when life gets off-track. So pretty much every day.
Healthy. In raising 4 kids, being healthy physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually is really important to me. I cannot lead them in being healthy if I am not healthy myself. My greatest prayer for my kids is that they love Jesus, and have health in all areas. It was a gift my parents gave me, and I hope to pass on the legacy to my own. I learned healthy boundaries, respect, and emotions early in life, which has made processing unhealthy events later in life easier. This year, I measured it by trying to eat healthy, drink more water, make sure I stayed caught up on sleep (easier said than done!), and exercise regularly. It also meant I needed to make healthy emotional, mental, and spiritual choices. I know I failed in all of these areas at times, but there was never full regression. I didn't gain 75 pounds or end up in a pit of depression when discouragement chased me. I took 5 HTP (a supplement that boosts your serotonin) when the busyness of life took over and the stress started affecting my mental health (feeling overwhelmed to the point of helplessness). Life gets crazy. The saying "you can't pour from an empty cup" is really true. Ultimately, our cup needs to be filled by Christ. So we start with Him, and go from there. He also gives us the strength to seek emotional help when we need it, the courage to start exercising so our mental and physical health improves, the commitment to get up earlier to spend time with Him, or the wisdom to pursue other ways we need to be healthy.
Be Present. This one is so difficult in the city (or close to one) where everyone is busy and our current culture of technology! I tend to be a task-master - with homeschooling 4 kids, the basic house and meals responsibilities, and having 3 part-time jobs, there is always something for me to do! I really wanted to work on making sure I stopped and smelled the roses - or rather, my kids. There were times this year I did this well (especially over the holidays) and times I continued to struggle. Often, the exhaustion took over instead, but hopefully I grew in this and we definitely started some new holiday traditions. It is an area I will continue to work on.
Give. This focus word stretches me. In being raised by 2 depression-era-raised parents, I have a lot of internal voices like, "what if you need it later?" and "you don't have the money right now." I also have many internal voices reminding me of my very-long-never-ending to do list. However, I say I desire to teach my kids how to give generously. How can I do that if I don't take the time to? How do you teach your kids to give generously when you tithe online? Last summer, we joined a local church during their Love Week, playing Bingo and doing crafts at an Adult Day Care. Joining a local ministry to the homeless once a month, we helped pack hygiene kits and took them to the homeless wall downtown. We handed sandwiches to single moms at the women's shelter. In December, we gathered a few of our coats and blankets and gave them to the homeless as we walked the streets on one of the coldest days. If we are to be the hands and feet of Jesus, how do our children learn this if we don't give our time and resources to those who need it most? Remember, this is difficult for me, too. This is why it was a focus word. But now the second Saturday morning of every month, we have developed an affection for those we serve.
I don't know what your word or words need to be. I think the beautiful thing about words is they don't have to be a goal you measure and risk failing at (especially if you are easily discouraged!). There is no right way to focus on them and no way to get behind. I think the important thing is that we all try to grow - whether in areas we struggle, stretch ourselves to new levels in areas that are easier, or focus on ways we can be a healthier version of us - whatever that looks like for you. Maybe it is just something you have been wanting to do and giving it a word helps you get started thinking about it more. In 2019, I will share my new focus words!
2018 ~ You were a good year. Full of fun memories and laughter, new friends, and answers to prayer.
