Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Blah
I am so tired. I was up way too late at the women's retreat, and talked the entire weekend (what else do we do when we get together?). I think I am just emptied out. I am one of those introverts that gets their energy from being alone, and after being with women all weekend, and my husband all day yesterday, I think I am burned out. I know, many of you will say like my parents, an introvert?? My father trained me well in how to socialize properly, ask questions, find out about others, meet & make new people feel welcome....it's more training that started early and now is more like second nature when I'm in groups. But the truth is, I hate big groups. I can't talk to anyone, and I feel as insecure as the next person. I'd rather be busy with a task in those situations (hence, hosting parties).
So today, I don't want to be around anyone, I just want to regroup and do some brainless activity (TV anyone?). I have no desire to work on my to do list, and I am thankful no one called all morning. I spent some great time with the boys playing and catching up with them.
But I do have to share....yesterday, we went shopping to wrap up the boys' summer clothes - and we got a million things at Children's Place! All the sale stuff was 50% off, so I got 10 polos for $3 each. I was so excited! They both had lots of play stuff, but needed shorts & I can never get enough polos for them. I don't have to have RL or Gap (though both are too cute!), I just can't do places like Old Navy for them since everything there shrinks or is really 2 sizes smaller for LJ. And it's got to at least attempt to last thru JD. I really do not enjoy shopping, so I try to do it all in one shot. I always envy my friends that find such great deals all of the time and don't spend more than $3 on any item, EVER. Yesterday was my day!
So today, I don't want to be around anyone, I just want to regroup and do some brainless activity (TV anyone?). I have no desire to work on my to do list, and I am thankful no one called all morning. I spent some great time with the boys playing and catching up with them.
But I do have to share....yesterday, we went shopping to wrap up the boys' summer clothes - and we got a million things at Children's Place! All the sale stuff was 50% off, so I got 10 polos for $3 each. I was so excited! They both had lots of play stuff, but needed shorts & I can never get enough polos for them. I don't have to have RL or Gap (though both are too cute!), I just can't do places like Old Navy for them since everything there shrinks or is really 2 sizes smaller for LJ. And it's got to at least attempt to last thru JD. I really do not enjoy shopping, so I try to do it all in one shot. I always envy my friends that find such great deals all of the time and don't spend more than $3 on any item, EVER. Yesterday was my day!
Tagged
I'm not entirely sure how this being tagged thing works, but in an effort to post a different kind of blog today, and to re-motivate me, I will try.
It starts with remembering where I was 10 years ago. I was at Auburn in April 1998. We were probably mid-quarter, as we were on the quarter system. If I recall correctly, I was taking a philosophy class, and I had my first spring allergies - it was terrible! My eyes watered so much, and my nose kept running, that I could not concentrate to study or take the test one day. I think that was the only test I just flat-out failed. My hands were too busy taking care of my nose & eyes that I couldn't stop long enough to write the essay questions in an hour. And of course, many buildings in Auburn had no air conditioning. But despite everything, I was in love with Auburn. My college years at Auburn have a magic all their own.
5 things on my list to do today:
1) Set up dinner with our pastor & his family.
2) Make Jack's 1 year doctor appt in June.
3) Make sweet potatoes for Jack.
4) Make dinner.
5) Do Sealing Agents work.
5 things to do tomorrow:
1) Lucas' OT
2) my dr appt
3) find something for me to do with the boys in the morning after OT
4) Probably make sweet potatoes for Jack since it probably will not get done today.
5) take a shower
5 snacks I enjoy:
1) chocolate
2) coffee
3) more chocolate - cookies, ice cream, brownies
4) caramel/peanut butter chex mix
5) either pineapple dip or taffy apple dip
5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1) fix up my husband's car the way he wants it so it's DONE
2) give a lot away to ministries
3) get someone to clean my house (i really hate cleaning)
4) build a pool & patio in my backyard
5) have a part-time chef to cook the nights I don't feel like it & an on-call babysitter or grocery shopper (I really don't enjoy grocery shopping on a budget with 2 boys)
5 bad habits:
1) coffee/caffeine
2) chocolate
3) lack of exercise (really, when do I have time AND energy?)
4) letting my husband do all the clean up work around here oftentimes
5) not dealing with conflict when needed (esp with g'parents)
5 places I have lived:
1) Talmidge, OH (near Akron) - 1 year in a renter's house during dad's residency
2) Alma, MI - grew up in for 14 years
3) Charlotte, NC - spent high school, 1 year post-college, and now reside in a suburb, Matthews
4) Auburn, AL - BEST 4 years spent here
5) Birmingham, AL - 18 months of newlywed craziness
5 jobs I have had:
1) Nanny
2) Assistant in real estate (BORING)
3) Bookkeeper/Assistant in waterproofing business
4) Part-time at Ann Taylor Loft - really, not a bad job at all for retail!
5) Mom (BEST)
I want to know more about....
1) Elizabeth (since Abby didn't tag you - maybe you can find your password??) :)
2) Wini
3) Rachel
who else has a blog??
It starts with remembering where I was 10 years ago. I was at Auburn in April 1998. We were probably mid-quarter, as we were on the quarter system. If I recall correctly, I was taking a philosophy class, and I had my first spring allergies - it was terrible! My eyes watered so much, and my nose kept running, that I could not concentrate to study or take the test one day. I think that was the only test I just flat-out failed. My hands were too busy taking care of my nose & eyes that I couldn't stop long enough to write the essay questions in an hour. And of course, many buildings in Auburn had no air conditioning. But despite everything, I was in love with Auburn. My college years at Auburn have a magic all their own.
5 things on my list to do today:
1) Set up dinner with our pastor & his family.
2) Make Jack's 1 year doctor appt in June.
3) Make sweet potatoes for Jack.
4) Make dinner.
5) Do Sealing Agents work.
5 things to do tomorrow:
1) Lucas' OT
2) my dr appt
3) find something for me to do with the boys in the morning after OT
4) Probably make sweet potatoes for Jack since it probably will not get done today.
5) take a shower
5 snacks I enjoy:
1) chocolate
2) coffee
3) more chocolate - cookies, ice cream, brownies
4) caramel/peanut butter chex mix
5) either pineapple dip or taffy apple dip
5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1) fix up my husband's car the way he wants it so it's DONE
2) give a lot away to ministries
3) get someone to clean my house (i really hate cleaning)
4) build a pool & patio in my backyard
5) have a part-time chef to cook the nights I don't feel like it & an on-call babysitter or grocery shopper (I really don't enjoy grocery shopping on a budget with 2 boys)
5 bad habits:
1) coffee/caffeine
2) chocolate
3) lack of exercise (really, when do I have time AND energy?)
4) letting my husband do all the clean up work around here oftentimes
5) not dealing with conflict when needed (esp with g'parents)
5 places I have lived:
1) Talmidge, OH (near Akron) - 1 year in a renter's house during dad's residency
2) Alma, MI - grew up in for 14 years
3) Charlotte, NC - spent high school, 1 year post-college, and now reside in a suburb, Matthews
4) Auburn, AL - BEST 4 years spent here
5) Birmingham, AL - 18 months of newlywed craziness
5 jobs I have had:
1) Nanny
2) Assistant in real estate (BORING)
3) Bookkeeper/Assistant in waterproofing business
4) Part-time at Ann Taylor Loft - really, not a bad job at all for retail!
5) Mom (BEST)
I want to know more about....
1) Elizabeth (since Abby didn't tag you - maybe you can find your password??) :)
2) Wini
3) Rachel
who else has a blog??
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Legacy
Tonight I went to a thing that talked about leaving a legacy. It was something I had heard before. But not while I had 2 boys. Not while I am getting older, and realizing the huge legacy my parents, and their parents, and their grandparents have left me. I am richly blessed in that my parents' families on both sides had walking relationships with God. My dad & mom followed in their footsteps. My brother and I, by the grace of God, have followed in their footsteps. These are the things, to me, that make my life rich. Not my house, my new car, or my husband's medical job. My children are healthy, my husband loves me, and I cherish my simple life. There are many days lately, especially as LJ has gotten easier to manage, that I think "life can't get better than this."
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Life
Okay, so amidst my new joyful attitude, yesterday came & blew it out. Well, at this point I would go into details, but the initial frustration, hurt, disappointment is pretty much over. Suffice it to say, my husband was tired, and when he's tired, I should have expectations in the negative category. He is not going to think beyond what he wants/needs to do, and I cannot expect otherwise. Even if it's the day we're supposed to celebrate my birthday. And the first day off he's had in 3 weeks.
So what do you do on a day like that? Years ago, I would have just swallowed the hurt and carried it with me for a long time without saying anything. Now, I am perfectly content with letting him know what is wrong. The problem is that whole male/female communication thing. It takes about 5 conversations for us to really hear what the other one is saying. He wants to blame it on hormones (WHY do they blame EVERYTHING on hormones???), I want to blame it on inconsideration.....it goes downhill from there. He says "get over it" (really, one of my pet peeves in our arguments, mainly because he whines about every ache & pain, and I have to suffer it patiently with him). So at the end of a really bad day for us, we finally have some great, deep, hard conversations - about everything: us, our family (our 4), our church, community, men relationships, change, etc. I challenged him on several things, and he expressed some of his deepest concerns. I appreciate that. I would rather get hard honesty than feel like I'm fighting an invisible beast.
I think it's hard for men with families. I think as women we don't give them enough credit for how responsible they feel for providing for their families, keeping the roof over their head, putting food on the table, providing for their kids, wanting to give their wives whatever our current desire is, working at their job and trying to move up, and feeling like they have to help us out all the time. I think most of them take it quite seriously, probably often feel like they fail (which we only add to sometimes), and many of them are probably very stressed at all the worries that plague them. I do think some husbands give up & just do whatever, but I would venture to say that is not the norm, at least early on in a marriage.
Sure, it's difficult for those of us with kids. It's hard to juggle everything and be the wife he wants us to be. But it's hard for him too. He needs our support and encouragement. He needs to feel desired, not just needed. In my 7th year of marriage, I very easily see how marriages don't always make it. If you don't push through, if you neglect your relationship, if you allow the kids to divide you & your spouse, you will be either fighting for a long time, or someone will leave. I am encouraged that Tim and I push through, because our marriage gets better. We have sought people to help us walk through different things, and we have both gleaned wisdom. But as a whole, marriage takes work, it takes self-inspection, it takes working very hard to pursue your spouse and admitting you don't have all the answers. I think ours really changed with having kids, and you have to change with it. I continue to have to remake myself as a person (or truthfully, allow God to change me and mold me) to adapt to our family of 4.
I am thankful that God is still working on me, and working on my husband. I cling to the hope that He will always be walking with us, and taking care of us. It doesn't mean we won't have bad days like yesterday, but it does mean I can count on Him to carry us through it, and use it to mold us to be more like Him.
And I am thankful to have a husband who is super sweet after our arguments....
So what do you do on a day like that? Years ago, I would have just swallowed the hurt and carried it with me for a long time without saying anything. Now, I am perfectly content with letting him know what is wrong. The problem is that whole male/female communication thing. It takes about 5 conversations for us to really hear what the other one is saying. He wants to blame it on hormones (WHY do they blame EVERYTHING on hormones???), I want to blame it on inconsideration.....it goes downhill from there. He says "get over it" (really, one of my pet peeves in our arguments, mainly because he whines about every ache & pain, and I have to suffer it patiently with him). So at the end of a really bad day for us, we finally have some great, deep, hard conversations - about everything: us, our family (our 4), our church, community, men relationships, change, etc. I challenged him on several things, and he expressed some of his deepest concerns. I appreciate that. I would rather get hard honesty than feel like I'm fighting an invisible beast.
I think it's hard for men with families. I think as women we don't give them enough credit for how responsible they feel for providing for their families, keeping the roof over their head, putting food on the table, providing for their kids, wanting to give their wives whatever our current desire is, working at their job and trying to move up, and feeling like they have to help us out all the time. I think most of them take it quite seriously, probably often feel like they fail (which we only add to sometimes), and many of them are probably very stressed at all the worries that plague them. I do think some husbands give up & just do whatever, but I would venture to say that is not the norm, at least early on in a marriage.
Sure, it's difficult for those of us with kids. It's hard to juggle everything and be the wife he wants us to be. But it's hard for him too. He needs our support and encouragement. He needs to feel desired, not just needed. In my 7th year of marriage, I very easily see how marriages don't always make it. If you don't push through, if you neglect your relationship, if you allow the kids to divide you & your spouse, you will be either fighting for a long time, or someone will leave. I am encouraged that Tim and I push through, because our marriage gets better. We have sought people to help us walk through different things, and we have both gleaned wisdom. But as a whole, marriage takes work, it takes self-inspection, it takes working very hard to pursue your spouse and admitting you don't have all the answers. I think ours really changed with having kids, and you have to change with it. I continue to have to remake myself as a person (or truthfully, allow God to change me and mold me) to adapt to our family of 4.
I am thankful that God is still working on me, and working on my husband. I cling to the hope that He will always be walking with us, and taking care of us. It doesn't mean we won't have bad days like yesterday, but it does mean I can count on Him to carry us through it, and use it to mold us to be more like Him.
And I am thankful to have a husband who is super sweet after our arguments....
Sunday, April 20, 2008
On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand & other random thoughts
We sang that hymn today "On Christ the Solid Rock".
On Christ the Solid Rock, I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand.
I forgot how much I loved that hymn. It reminds me of a passage of Scripture that I fell in love with a couple of years ago. It's an oldie, but goodie as they say - part of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount.
Matthew 7:24-27, Jesus said:
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
I love the word pictures this gives. The strength of the rock, the foundation. No matter what battered it, the house remained standing. It was impenetrable. It was resolute. There was a surety for the wise man of safety, shelter, protection, and steadfastness. I need all of those things in my life. God provides all of it, if I seek Him for it. "Ask, seek, knock" is a passage earlier in chapter 7. God is available if we go to Him, admit His authority/Kingship, and our humble, desperate need of Him in our lives.
I feel like this passage is an accurate description of where I am in my life and my relationship with Jesus right now. I have 2 kids. LJ was very high maintenance last year, while I also gave birth to JD. I feel like the storms tossed me around, overwhelmed me at times, but in the end, I just crouched down close to the Rock (Jesus Christ), hung tight, sought His comfort and wisdom, and the winds finally blowed over me. Now, I can't take any credit for the crouching close to Jesus. I have been walking with God, His Spirit in me, for a long, long time. I have done my own share of straying, doubting, ignoring His presence, but He has not left my side. I think sometimes His Spirit gives me such grace, in that He doesn't let me stray that far in the first place, and that's just part of His plan for me. He is always there when I come back. He has been, without a doubt, my Rock in life. And maybe He does that, just to encourage others that He is real and involved in the details of our lives.
I am not generally a worrier. I think that bothers, or maybe just baffles, some people. But I just have gotten to the point where, if God is who He says He is, if He is all-powerful, all-knowing, than what can little ol' me do to change things that He's got under control? That's not to say that I don't take precautions, I don't try to think things through, or I get careless; but I don't want the burden of worrying. I've got plenty of other burdens I choose to carry instead of give over to the Lord like I should.
But I tangent. Our church celebrated their 5 year anniversary today. They had a video of several members telling what the church had meant to them, after Harrison taught on Acts 2, which is a passage describing what the first New Testament church looked like.
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2:42-47
The testimonies revealed that we definitely "gave to anyone as he had need", and that God has added to our number through the authenticity of simple families living for Him. Several testimonies were of changed lives, changed relationships, and it wasn't the just stand up and say what you like about such and such ministry. These people found a God who is loving, and whose grace covers all of their sin. A God who is so amazing, they are just now experiencing what unconditional love is. And what is grace? Grace is undeserved favor. Undeserved mercy. God reached down to us, loved us enough to sacrifice His Son to death on a cross, and conquered death (O death, where is thy sting? Hosea 13:14) through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. That victory over death, THAT is what gives me hope, shows me love. Because I can believe in a God who is that BIG, that POWERFUL. That is the Solid Rock on which I stand, and releases me from all fear. I guess, through the testimonies of these sweet men and women, I saw for a moment how desperate they had been for hope and mercy and grace and love in their lives. I haven't known that kind of desperation, not really. I have been told how great (as in powerful) and loving God is for as long as I can remember. And this morning, my eyes were opened as I saw the healing power of Jesus Christ. It was like seeing a life-saving surgery - they were dying (spiritually), and Jesus healed them, gave them the hope and love we all need, and changed their life. I am so glad that they found the Foundation that will hold them up. It is so easy to build our homes on sand, to crash (don't I crash every day?) and let the storms overtake us. But there is a way that is less overwhelming. We don't have to do it ourselves. And that is the big lie in this world - that God doesn't care, and so it's all up to us.
So back to the 2 kids thing. With 2 kids, I've quite quickly discovered (as they are still quite young), I can't do it. I'm a perfectionist. I've already failed my kids a thousand times (um, my husband of 7 years can probably pipe in here that I was failing long before kids). And can I tell you, it is such a relief to let it all go? To let my burden of raising kids "right" (whatever that is) and trust God that He will compensate for my weakness. "But [God] said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This doesn't mean I slack off, and don't try to discipline my kids, or give them safe boundaries, or feed them healthy food. It just means that I can live in freedom. "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Jesus, Matthew 11:30)
I don't know about you, but I keep our life pretty simple, and I still need an easy yoke and a light burden. Life is too hard trying to carry the load all by myself.
On Christ the Solid Rock, I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand.
I forgot how much I loved that hymn. It reminds me of a passage of Scripture that I fell in love with a couple of years ago. It's an oldie, but goodie as they say - part of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount.
Matthew 7:24-27, Jesus said:
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
I love the word pictures this gives. The strength of the rock, the foundation. No matter what battered it, the house remained standing. It was impenetrable. It was resolute. There was a surety for the wise man of safety, shelter, protection, and steadfastness. I need all of those things in my life. God provides all of it, if I seek Him for it. "Ask, seek, knock" is a passage earlier in chapter 7. God is available if we go to Him, admit His authority/Kingship, and our humble, desperate need of Him in our lives.
I feel like this passage is an accurate description of where I am in my life and my relationship with Jesus right now. I have 2 kids. LJ was very high maintenance last year, while I also gave birth to JD. I feel like the storms tossed me around, overwhelmed me at times, but in the end, I just crouched down close to the Rock (Jesus Christ), hung tight, sought His comfort and wisdom, and the winds finally blowed over me. Now, I can't take any credit for the crouching close to Jesus. I have been walking with God, His Spirit in me, for a long, long time. I have done my own share of straying, doubting, ignoring His presence, but He has not left my side. I think sometimes His Spirit gives me such grace, in that He doesn't let me stray that far in the first place, and that's just part of His plan for me. He is always there when I come back. He has been, without a doubt, my Rock in life. And maybe He does that, just to encourage others that He is real and involved in the details of our lives.
I am not generally a worrier. I think that bothers, or maybe just baffles, some people. But I just have gotten to the point where, if God is who He says He is, if He is all-powerful, all-knowing, than what can little ol' me do to change things that He's got under control? That's not to say that I don't take precautions, I don't try to think things through, or I get careless; but I don't want the burden of worrying. I've got plenty of other burdens I choose to carry instead of give over to the Lord like I should.
But I tangent. Our church celebrated their 5 year anniversary today. They had a video of several members telling what the church had meant to them, after Harrison taught on Acts 2, which is a passage describing what the first New Testament church looked like.
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2:42-47
The testimonies revealed that we definitely "gave to anyone as he had need", and that God has added to our number through the authenticity of simple families living for Him. Several testimonies were of changed lives, changed relationships, and it wasn't the just stand up and say what you like about such and such ministry. These people found a God who is loving, and whose grace covers all of their sin. A God who is so amazing, they are just now experiencing what unconditional love is. And what is grace? Grace is undeserved favor. Undeserved mercy. God reached down to us, loved us enough to sacrifice His Son to death on a cross, and conquered death (O death, where is thy sting? Hosea 13:14) through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. That victory over death, THAT is what gives me hope, shows me love. Because I can believe in a God who is that BIG, that POWERFUL. That is the Solid Rock on which I stand, and releases me from all fear. I guess, through the testimonies of these sweet men and women, I saw for a moment how desperate they had been for hope and mercy and grace and love in their lives. I haven't known that kind of desperation, not really. I have been told how great (as in powerful) and loving God is for as long as I can remember. And this morning, my eyes were opened as I saw the healing power of Jesus Christ. It was like seeing a life-saving surgery - they were dying (spiritually), and Jesus healed them, gave them the hope and love we all need, and changed their life. I am so glad that they found the Foundation that will hold them up. It is so easy to build our homes on sand, to crash (don't I crash every day?) and let the storms overtake us. But there is a way that is less overwhelming. We don't have to do it ourselves. And that is the big lie in this world - that God doesn't care, and so it's all up to us.
So back to the 2 kids thing. With 2 kids, I've quite quickly discovered (as they are still quite young), I can't do it. I'm a perfectionist. I've already failed my kids a thousand times (um, my husband of 7 years can probably pipe in here that I was failing long before kids). And can I tell you, it is such a relief to let it all go? To let my burden of raising kids "right" (whatever that is) and trust God that He will compensate for my weakness. "But [God] said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This doesn't mean I slack off, and don't try to discipline my kids, or give them safe boundaries, or feed them healthy food. It just means that I can live in freedom. "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Jesus, Matthew 11:30)
I don't know about you, but I keep our life pretty simple, and I still need an easy yoke and a light burden. Life is too hard trying to carry the load all by myself.
Quick Recipes
Okay, on a lighter note, at least at first - 3 of my favorite, easy, go with everything recipes. When I first got married, I was NOT a cook. My mom would have laughed at the idea of me cooking every night. I mean, she knew I could do it if I wanted to, but I was not exactly the domestic kind of gal. Tim bragged during our engagement that he was going to have to do all the cooking since I didn't know how (hey, I could make Kraft mac & cheese with the best of them!). [And by the way, it took Tim 5 years to make me his famous key lime pie; dinner? HA, still waiting...] Now, I love to cook. But I have to admit, it is very challenging with 2 kids to prep it unless you start during naptime - and who wants to cook during naptime? Nap myself, read, goof off, straighten the house.....I can come up with a lot more fun things to do, even as much as I enjoy making a great meal. Yum, I am so hungry now!
CROCKPOT CHICKEN
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
8 oz (1 cup) sour cream
Flavor with salt, pepper, garlic as needed
Mix together. Pour over 4-6 chicken breasts (skinless, bone in or out) in crockpot.
Cook for 6-8 hours on low.
Goes with EVERYTHING.
CRANBERRY CHICKEN
1 cup creamy French dressing
1 8oz (small) can of crushed pineapple, drained
1 can whole cranberry sauce
Mix together, pour over 8+ chicken tenderloins.
Cook at 400 for 30-45 minutes.
Goes really well with brown rice & vegetables.
POPPYSEED CHICKEN
Cook about 6 cups rice (white or brown). Layer on bottom of casserole dish or 9x13.
Mix #1:
2 cans cream of mushroom soup
8 oz (1 cup) sour cream
2 cups (2-3 chicken breasts) cut up chicken
Layer Mix #1 on top of rice.
Mix #2:
2 pkgs crushed Ritz crackers
6-8 Tbsp. melted butter
Poppyseeds as like
Layer Mix #2 on top of Mix #1
Cook at 350 for 30 minutes.
CROCKPOT CHICKEN
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
8 oz (1 cup) sour cream
Flavor with salt, pepper, garlic as needed
Mix together. Pour over 4-6 chicken breasts (skinless, bone in or out) in crockpot.
Cook for 6-8 hours on low.
Goes with EVERYTHING.
CRANBERRY CHICKEN
1 cup creamy French dressing
1 8oz (small) can of crushed pineapple, drained
1 can whole cranberry sauce
Mix together, pour over 8+ chicken tenderloins.
Cook at 400 for 30-45 minutes.
Goes really well with brown rice & vegetables.
POPPYSEED CHICKEN
Cook about 6 cups rice (white or brown). Layer on bottom of casserole dish or 9x13.
Mix #1:
2 cans cream of mushroom soup
8 oz (1 cup) sour cream
2 cups (2-3 chicken breasts) cut up chicken
Layer Mix #1 on top of rice.
Mix #2:
2 pkgs crushed Ritz crackers
6-8 Tbsp. melted butter
Poppyseeds as like
Layer Mix #2 on top of Mix #1
Cook at 350 for 30 minutes.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Worship
This is from the Beth Moore study I mentioned yesterday.
Psalm 134
"Now praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord who stand in the Lord's house at night!
Lift up your hands in the holy place, and praise the Lord!
May the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth, bless you from Zion."
(from Beth) "Peterson echoed..."The sentence ['Now praise the Lord'] is an invitation; it is also a command. Having arrived at the place of worship, will we now sit around and tell stories about the trip? Having gotten to the big city, will we spend our time here as tourists, visiting the bazaars, window shopping and trading? Having gotten Jerusalem checked off our list of things to do, will we immediately begin looking for another challenge, another holy place to visit? Will the temple be a place to socialize, receive congratulations from others on our achievement, a place to share gossip and trade stories, a place to make business contacts that will improve our prospects back home? But that is not why you made the trip: bless [praise] God. You are here because God blessed you. Now you bless God."
[Beth] wrote: "Do what you came to do!" [Peterson's main point above] Of course, God blesses our fellowship and our shared experiences; each of those have important places in our travels here on earth. You and I, however, were created to praise God; so let's spend priority time doing what we came to do. I felt a tang of conviction over my attentions during worship at my own church. I dearly love the people who sit in my same general section and, goodness knows, God wants me to! He desires for us to embrace and be happy to see one another; but when worship begins, God wants us to push the hold button on our fellowship with one another and give Him 100 percent of our attention. He wants us to do what we came to do!"
Okay, so this is a little confusing considering it's week 6 of the study, and it's a little difficult to explain the context (which is why I threw in Psalm 134, which is what her comments, and Peterson's comments - whom she quotes in the 1st paragraph - are about). Peterson is talking about the Jews, and how when they arrived in Jerusalem to worship the Lord, how some may have wanted to handle it instead: telling stories, making business contacts, looking at other places.
All of it just really spoke to me on the point of worship. It reiterated what I have felt is the foundation of going to church in the first place. My father was very clear growing up that when we entered into the sanctuary, it was a holy place - not necessarily the chairs or velvet pews or bright green carpet - but that the whole point, the only point, of why we went to the sanctuary on a Sunday morning, was to worship God. To praise Him. To acknowledge the greatness of our King. I wasn't allowed to talk to friends, write notes to them, or just not show up. Many may consider this legalistic, but maybe their parents didn't explain the whys of the rules. Dad made it clear - it wasn't about the "thou shalt nots" - it was about giving to God what God is due - the reverence, the "100 percent of our attention". Do I do this every week? No, of course not. Many Sundays I am tired, worn down by getting the boys ready, and not prepared to give God His due. Hopefully more times than not, though, I do get to spend an hour or so in reverence to a holy God, who is so much bigger than me, and remember how gracious He is to us. I get to surrender my worries and burdens to a great God who will give me His lighter yoke, and revel in the joys He has blessed me with for now. What a privilege!
Psalm 134
"Now praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord who stand in the Lord's house at night!
Lift up your hands in the holy place, and praise the Lord!
May the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth, bless you from Zion."
(from Beth) "Peterson echoed..."The sentence ['Now praise the Lord'] is an invitation; it is also a command. Having arrived at the place of worship, will we now sit around and tell stories about the trip? Having gotten to the big city, will we spend our time here as tourists, visiting the bazaars, window shopping and trading? Having gotten Jerusalem checked off our list of things to do, will we immediately begin looking for another challenge, another holy place to visit? Will the temple be a place to socialize, receive congratulations from others on our achievement, a place to share gossip and trade stories, a place to make business contacts that will improve our prospects back home? But that is not why you made the trip: bless [praise] God. You are here because God blessed you. Now you bless God."
[Beth] wrote: "Do what you came to do!" [Peterson's main point above] Of course, God blesses our fellowship and our shared experiences; each of those have important places in our travels here on earth. You and I, however, were created to praise God; so let's spend priority time doing what we came to do. I felt a tang of conviction over my attentions during worship at my own church. I dearly love the people who sit in my same general section and, goodness knows, God wants me to! He desires for us to embrace and be happy to see one another; but when worship begins, God wants us to push the hold button on our fellowship with one another and give Him 100 percent of our attention. He wants us to do what we came to do!"
Okay, so this is a little confusing considering it's week 6 of the study, and it's a little difficult to explain the context (which is why I threw in Psalm 134, which is what her comments, and Peterson's comments - whom she quotes in the 1st paragraph - are about). Peterson is talking about the Jews, and how when they arrived in Jerusalem to worship the Lord, how some may have wanted to handle it instead: telling stories, making business contacts, looking at other places.
All of it just really spoke to me on the point of worship. It reiterated what I have felt is the foundation of going to church in the first place. My father was very clear growing up that when we entered into the sanctuary, it was a holy place - not necessarily the chairs or velvet pews or bright green carpet - but that the whole point, the only point, of why we went to the sanctuary on a Sunday morning, was to worship God. To praise Him. To acknowledge the greatness of our King. I wasn't allowed to talk to friends, write notes to them, or just not show up. Many may consider this legalistic, but maybe their parents didn't explain the whys of the rules. Dad made it clear - it wasn't about the "thou shalt nots" - it was about giving to God what God is due - the reverence, the "100 percent of our attention". Do I do this every week? No, of course not. Many Sundays I am tired, worn down by getting the boys ready, and not prepared to give God His due. Hopefully more times than not, though, I do get to spend an hour or so in reverence to a holy God, who is so much bigger than me, and remember how gracious He is to us. I get to surrender my worries and burdens to a great God who will give me His lighter yoke, and revel in the joys He has blessed me with for now. What a privilege!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Making Kabobs
It is 4:00. I am supposed to be putting some kabobs together. I just spent the last 2 hours straightening my house, wrapping several presents, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen....who knows. The great thing about God is He is helping me let go. I am blogging instead of prepping what I need to prep. I spent time with Him, talked to Him, read His Word when I got home instead of jumping right in. At first I didn't want to -- I didn't even know how I was going to get everything done! But then His Spirit spoke to me, "the foolish things...." and reminded me that God takes the foolish things to the world to glorify Him. To the world, it is foolish for me to sit down, read my Bible, rest, and talk to God when I am having a family cookout at my house in a couple of hours, and nothing is done. But to Him, He's got it all under control, and if I choose, I can live in freedom (blogging in my final hour) under Him. His blessings come with obedience and surrender. I have been doing the Beth Moore study on the Psalms of Ascents. I read something of hers today, and I'm so excited about it. I can't wait to share it with you. But now, I should probably go skewer those kabobs.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Too Busy
Let me preface this by saying, I love my friends. I need them. Lucas needs friends to play with. Jackson is needing friends to play with. But I hate being busy. It's the control side of me. I used to love busyness. It meant I was important (haha) or needed (haha). I think having a family dinner, 2 showers and a huge party is a lot to have in 3 days time. And do play groups all week. And feed 2 children and a hungry husband. And keep my kitchen in a semi-sane state of affairs. Now, it only started with my brother coming into town, and a party I agreed to help with. Somehow it ballooned into an overcommitted long weekend. How am I supposed to attend 3 things in one day? Even I'm baffled. But one is a cousin's. One I am hosting. One is the neighbor's (she can hunt me down!). :) Again, baffled.
I forgot someone was coming to my house today. I left the house this morning, got back in the car when I was done, and realized YIKES, I am SO late. I felt terrible. I was at least 30 minutes late. Now, because God is teaching me His grace, I am handling it so much better than I would have 6 months ago (which would have been guilt for 3 days, maybe a week, then reoccurences for the next 5 years). And I do want to emphasize I love all of these people. I wanted to do every bit of it, and the fact that I decided to do all of it this week, shows my inability to say no. I thought I was getting better. This week was a bad week. I saw someone I haven't seen in 2 years, another friend I haven't seen in 2 months, we had OT, I've had shopping, I wanted to get some stuff done at the house so we had the cousin over (so Lucas had someone to play with while I worked during Jack's nap)....it wasn't supposed to end up so crazy.
So, I really thought I was getting better at this. But it really seems I'm all or nothing. I don't call anyone and I have peace in my house. I call people, and suddenly my life is too busy. Gracious, that sounds depressing; what does that say about me? Again, another post for another day.
I forgot someone was coming to my house today. I left the house this morning, got back in the car when I was done, and realized YIKES, I am SO late. I felt terrible. I was at least 30 minutes late. Now, because God is teaching me His grace, I am handling it so much better than I would have 6 months ago (which would have been guilt for 3 days, maybe a week, then reoccurences for the next 5 years). And I do want to emphasize I love all of these people. I wanted to do every bit of it, and the fact that I decided to do all of it this week, shows my inability to say no. I thought I was getting better. This week was a bad week. I saw someone I haven't seen in 2 years, another friend I haven't seen in 2 months, we had OT, I've had shopping, I wanted to get some stuff done at the house so we had the cousin over (so Lucas had someone to play with while I worked during Jack's nap)....it wasn't supposed to end up so crazy.
So, I really thought I was getting better at this. But it really seems I'm all or nothing. I don't call anyone and I have peace in my house. I call people, and suddenly my life is too busy. Gracious, that sounds depressing; what does that say about me? Again, another post for another day.
Monday, April 14, 2008
My husband
I love my husband. We have been through some tough times. Early in marriage, it was sorting out our stubborn personalities. Then he went to grad school. We walked through his mild depression (I knew it, but it took him awhile to realize it). There were times I've felt ignored, neglected, unwanted, frustrated, angry, sad, and lonely. This past month has been a great month. I have seen him grow in his walk in the Lord in new ways. I have seen him ask hard questions of himself. I have seen him realize new truths in his life. I am seeing him fall in love with his boys even more. I feel so blessed right now. There are moments I think "life can't get any better than this". Yet I know heaven will be! I feel so undeserving. It scares me sometimes when I enjoy life this much that God has something waiting around the corner that's hard or devastating. I am aware of the reality. Life is hard. It is disappointing. Sin is an ever-present reality that affects everything in our lives - our circumstances, our attitudes, our relationships. But what I can appreciate about marrying a man who loves the Lord is there is the hope that he will seek God and make the right decisions for our family. That he will work with me to fight for our marriage, our oneness, and try to work through things as they come up. That he will not give up. As a wife, my deepest fear is that he will leave (I'm sure none of you can relate). But I have to say, God has given me the confidence that not only will He take care of me regardless, but that I really think (hope?) that God will give me the grace that my husband is in this for the long haul, and I will get to enjoy if not a long life with him, a fulfilling life. Too morose? Sorry. I am sure I will have some more light-hearted posts, but I love to share these kinds of things in hopes that someone can relate and to share a part of who I am. Any of you that knows me well (which are probably the only ones reading), knows I am too serious for my own good. I am not the friend you come to for a good laugh -- but I desperately need those friends for myself! If these blogs get too depressing, you may have to remind me to lighten up a little. :)
Women and Mothers
I started my blogging on wordpress, and had called it a mother's joy. Now, I'm not very creative, so that's the best it got. But then I realized, I'm not just a mother, it's just habit to think of myself that way. So when I switched blogs, I switched the name. But I thought it was worth a mention, that once you are a mother, that is the first thing you think yourself as. I've tried. I've tried to think of myself as a woman or a wife first, I try to put those other things first as best as I can, but it really doesn't matter. Once a mother, always a mother. I know, not the most profound thought. But for anyone that is not a mother, I was as skeptical as you. I don't know why God created us this way, or as part of the fall of Adam, this will always be one of our struggles. Hopefully, I will better be able to develop all of my roles as a woman into a more balanced view!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Our oldest son
Our firstborn has something called sensory integration disorder. It is not a serious disorder. It means his central nervous system has not fully developed yet (which is normal for most 2 year olds), but is immature in the sense that it is going to cause some problems. His senses cannot interpret some stimuli correctly, or gets easily overwhelmed (the kid throwing fits in a loud restaurant & similar situations), and his body does not know how to respond to it correctly. At 18 months, LJ started throwing some major tantrums. Our first 18 months were sheer bliss. He was a serious little boy, but very well-behaved and calm-mannered. We knew he was an introvert, he never liked more than 4-6 people in a room, but that was okay. We suffered through as all parents do when we were in crowds. Both of his parents are pretty introverted sometimes too, so we understood. We like socializing for a time, but enjoy coming home to a quiet house.
So back to the tantrums. Well, at first we pretty much chalked it up to early "terrible" (i really think "testing" is more accurate and not as insulting to our kids) twos. I was pregnant with JD, and it was exhausting, but I figured - hey LJ, get it out now so I'm not dealing with it so much while taking care of a newborn. We moved him to a new room with a big bed - that did not go so great. He threw tantrums for every diaper change and most bathtimes. His tantrums were pretty much sunup to sundown. Starting with diaper changes (tantrum) & getting dressed (tantrum), what I served for breakfast (tantrum), do you want apples or bananas? (tantrum), endure them through naptime, put down for a nap (tantrum, tantrum, tantrum - spend the 2 hour naptime dealing with tantrums instead or gated in room), give snack (tantrum), get dinner ready (tantrum, tantrum), bathtime (tantrum), bedtime. Now, every time he had a tantrum, I put him in his room (for better or worse - he was too physical to do time out, I tried holding him, I tried ignoring the tantrum - NONE of it worked). He could not come out till he had calmed down. Most of the time around 18-22 months, it took him an average of 30 minutes to calm down, sometimes shorter, more than often much longer (it took me months to figure out this was beyond the normal tantrum). I would ask him if he was ready to be kind and loving, and he had to acknowledge a "yes" so I knew he heard & understood me. I was as consistant as humanly possible. I was crying by 5pm every night, especially on the days I felt like I spent the whole day putting him in his room. He could spend hours upset. I worked on communication a lot, but there were days I could not figure out what was wrong. Then JD came. LJ got quiet during the day, lined up all his cars, and seemed a little overwhelmed. I talked a lot to him, but he was still only 22 months, and he only talked a little. A lot of times, I didn't know what bothered him or frustrated him, so I did a LOT of guesswork. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it frustrated him more when I couldn't guess it correctly. We went to the library storytime a couple of weeks later. Now, this was not a favorite of his - he did not clap his hands, he did not like the songs you do movements to, but I did it to hopefully get him out & learning these things with other kids. But on this particular day, within 5 or 10 minutes of being there, he started throwing himself on the floor. I took him to the bathroom where he threw a tantrum. It kept going, and going. I started noticing a rash. Where did that come from? Had we been in the woods yesterday? Suddenly it's all over his body. I cannot calm him down. He's still screaming and thrashing. I try holding him, talking to him, ignoring him.....I am sure the whole library thinks I am murdering my child from his screams. Finally my mom comes in the bathroom with JD and helps me get LJ to the car. We go to my dad's medical office down the street, because I am concerned about his rash. Maybe that's why he's thrown the fit? He's hurting? We get in the parking lot at dad's office, and I turn around, and it's gone. He's calm, the rash is gone. He broke out in hives from anxiety. Over the course of the next few months I try to establish a routine for LJ & JD. LJ seems to do a little better with that. We stop going to the library for a couple of months, but then we started going back in the fall. He does better, but he backs himself into a corner. He asks for his cars (which means he wants to line them up - by then, I knew this was not so much a fun thing, but a coping mechanism). Up to this point, most people kept telling me "he's two, he's an introvert, he'll get better". I am standing a few feet away and I see my son showing signs of anxiety. He wants OUT OF THAT ROOM, and his whole body shows it. Now why would he be anxious? We have a quiet home. We are not yellers or screamers. There is no abuse. I have never seen an anxious 2 year old and it made me cry for him. An introverted child sits on their mother's lap and slowly integrates with the group. I went to LJ and we walked out the door - his whole body language changed to joy and relief. So with the anxiety, the lining up of cars, lack of mimicry (non-existent), lack of curiosity (pretty much non-existent), and he would not engage with me in play. I started realizing I was teaching him how to play, race his cars, etc. And more often than not, he rejected my attempts. He'd rather line up those cars. Now, I did not expect a precocious kid, but I did realize most of this did not seem at all like normal 2 year old behavior. So I went to the pediatrician. They recommended a developmental evaluation. So we did it, but we didn't tell anyone at first. See, most people didn't see what we saw at home. LJ was better for people he knew. His 2 best friends he didn't have near as many problems around. His grandparents gave him whatever he wanted (which is what they're supposed to do -- but how many tantrums are you going to have over that?), and chalked all of his insecurities up to being an introvert. No one else saw the all-day tantrums. It took me 30 minutes to convince LJ to get in the car to go anywhere. If plans changed, there was a tantrum. He could not adapt, and it was at a level, it was debilitating for Tim & I. I was so exhausted for compensating for LJ's lack of adaptability, I was willing to do anything. So when we had the evaluation, in about 5 minutes an occupational therapist said he had some sensory integration issues. She asked very pointed questions, and I was amazed at how she knew my son in the span of that short time. After 9 months of hard parenting, I finally had someone who understood my kid and what I was going through as a parent. They recommended some occupational therapy, but said early intervention (before age 3) is key, and his case seemed mild, so he would probably respond really well, and it would greatly help me.
Now, my experience with OT is another post for another day. But I have to say, I have had the best month in a year. I think there have been a couple of key things that have happened that have helped LJ. I definitely have become a completely different kind of parent than I thought I'd be a year ago. God has given me the grace and strength to love my child, teach him, have patience with him, and change myself to meet my 2 year old's needs. God has given me such insight as to who LJ is and what he needs on a minutely basis. LJ is a different kid today. I am overwhelmed by how much joy I have experienced as a mother lately. Our family of 4 went to McAlisters after church. Church is a little bit of a challenge for LJ - other kids in his space, lots of background noise (he has a lack of auditory discrimination and listens to everything), so he usually needs a break afterwards (which means go home to "regroup"). He was WONDERFUL. He was joyful, he ate his lunch, he obeyed, he sat in his seat, he waited while we gave JD a bottle at the end.....Then Daddy had to run some errands, so we went to a park nearby. Again, he obeyed, he got a little frustrated with the equipment - much of it was different from the norm and for older kids - but he was great until Daddy got back. On the way home, Tim & I marveled at the different kid we had in the backseat. It is unfathomable.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us." Ephesians 3:20
Maybe it all started with a prayer to God to help relieve or cure LJ's anxiety and fears, so that He could do exceeding abundantly beyond all that I could ask or imagine....
So back to the tantrums. Well, at first we pretty much chalked it up to early "terrible" (i really think "testing" is more accurate and not as insulting to our kids) twos. I was pregnant with JD, and it was exhausting, but I figured - hey LJ, get it out now so I'm not dealing with it so much while taking care of a newborn. We moved him to a new room with a big bed - that did not go so great. He threw tantrums for every diaper change and most bathtimes. His tantrums were pretty much sunup to sundown. Starting with diaper changes (tantrum) & getting dressed (tantrum), what I served for breakfast (tantrum), do you want apples or bananas? (tantrum), endure them through naptime, put down for a nap (tantrum, tantrum, tantrum - spend the 2 hour naptime dealing with tantrums instead or gated in room), give snack (tantrum), get dinner ready (tantrum, tantrum), bathtime (tantrum), bedtime. Now, every time he had a tantrum, I put him in his room (for better or worse - he was too physical to do time out, I tried holding him, I tried ignoring the tantrum - NONE of it worked). He could not come out till he had calmed down. Most of the time around 18-22 months, it took him an average of 30 minutes to calm down, sometimes shorter, more than often much longer (it took me months to figure out this was beyond the normal tantrum). I would ask him if he was ready to be kind and loving, and he had to acknowledge a "yes" so I knew he heard & understood me. I was as consistant as humanly possible. I was crying by 5pm every night, especially on the days I felt like I spent the whole day putting him in his room. He could spend hours upset. I worked on communication a lot, but there were days I could not figure out what was wrong. Then JD came. LJ got quiet during the day, lined up all his cars, and seemed a little overwhelmed. I talked a lot to him, but he was still only 22 months, and he only talked a little. A lot of times, I didn't know what bothered him or frustrated him, so I did a LOT of guesswork. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it frustrated him more when I couldn't guess it correctly. We went to the library storytime a couple of weeks later. Now, this was not a favorite of his - he did not clap his hands, he did not like the songs you do movements to, but I did it to hopefully get him out & learning these things with other kids. But on this particular day, within 5 or 10 minutes of being there, he started throwing himself on the floor. I took him to the bathroom where he threw a tantrum. It kept going, and going. I started noticing a rash. Where did that come from? Had we been in the woods yesterday? Suddenly it's all over his body. I cannot calm him down. He's still screaming and thrashing. I try holding him, talking to him, ignoring him.....I am sure the whole library thinks I am murdering my child from his screams. Finally my mom comes in the bathroom with JD and helps me get LJ to the car. We go to my dad's medical office down the street, because I am concerned about his rash. Maybe that's why he's thrown the fit? He's hurting? We get in the parking lot at dad's office, and I turn around, and it's gone. He's calm, the rash is gone. He broke out in hives from anxiety. Over the course of the next few months I try to establish a routine for LJ & JD. LJ seems to do a little better with that. We stop going to the library for a couple of months, but then we started going back in the fall. He does better, but he backs himself into a corner. He asks for his cars (which means he wants to line them up - by then, I knew this was not so much a fun thing, but a coping mechanism). Up to this point, most people kept telling me "he's two, he's an introvert, he'll get better". I am standing a few feet away and I see my son showing signs of anxiety. He wants OUT OF THAT ROOM, and his whole body shows it. Now why would he be anxious? We have a quiet home. We are not yellers or screamers. There is no abuse. I have never seen an anxious 2 year old and it made me cry for him. An introverted child sits on their mother's lap and slowly integrates with the group. I went to LJ and we walked out the door - his whole body language changed to joy and relief. So with the anxiety, the lining up of cars, lack of mimicry (non-existent), lack of curiosity (pretty much non-existent), and he would not engage with me in play. I started realizing I was teaching him how to play, race his cars, etc. And more often than not, he rejected my attempts. He'd rather line up those cars. Now, I did not expect a precocious kid, but I did realize most of this did not seem at all like normal 2 year old behavior. So I went to the pediatrician. They recommended a developmental evaluation. So we did it, but we didn't tell anyone at first. See, most people didn't see what we saw at home. LJ was better for people he knew. His 2 best friends he didn't have near as many problems around. His grandparents gave him whatever he wanted (which is what they're supposed to do -- but how many tantrums are you going to have over that?), and chalked all of his insecurities up to being an introvert. No one else saw the all-day tantrums. It took me 30 minutes to convince LJ to get in the car to go anywhere. If plans changed, there was a tantrum. He could not adapt, and it was at a level, it was debilitating for Tim & I. I was so exhausted for compensating for LJ's lack of adaptability, I was willing to do anything. So when we had the evaluation, in about 5 minutes an occupational therapist said he had some sensory integration issues. She asked very pointed questions, and I was amazed at how she knew my son in the span of that short time. After 9 months of hard parenting, I finally had someone who understood my kid and what I was going through as a parent. They recommended some occupational therapy, but said early intervention (before age 3) is key, and his case seemed mild, so he would probably respond really well, and it would greatly help me.
Now, my experience with OT is another post for another day. But I have to say, I have had the best month in a year. I think there have been a couple of key things that have happened that have helped LJ. I definitely have become a completely different kind of parent than I thought I'd be a year ago. God has given me the grace and strength to love my child, teach him, have patience with him, and change myself to meet my 2 year old's needs. God has given me such insight as to who LJ is and what he needs on a minutely basis. LJ is a different kid today. I am overwhelmed by how much joy I have experienced as a mother lately. Our family of 4 went to McAlisters after church. Church is a little bit of a challenge for LJ - other kids in his space, lots of background noise (he has a lack of auditory discrimination and listens to everything), so he usually needs a break afterwards (which means go home to "regroup"). He was WONDERFUL. He was joyful, he ate his lunch, he obeyed, he sat in his seat, he waited while we gave JD a bottle at the end.....Then Daddy had to run some errands, so we went to a park nearby. Again, he obeyed, he got a little frustrated with the equipment - much of it was different from the norm and for older kids - but he was great until Daddy got back. On the way home, Tim & I marveled at the different kid we had in the backseat. It is unfathomable.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us." Ephesians 3:20
Maybe it all started with a prayer to God to help relieve or cure LJ's anxiety and fears, so that He could do exceeding abundantly beyond all that I could ask or imagine....
Is it worth it?
As a parent, many have given you their two cents. Recently a friend and I agreed that we had both been asked, “shouldn’t you deal with this kid (as in one of kids that requires extra care) before thinking of having more?”. Thankfully, my husband was to whom the question was directed at the time, and he quite clearly stated that if we were to have more kids, God would give them to us, and it was our family’s decision regardless. Many believe you should have your ducks in a row before having kids, having more kids, doing anything in life. Don’t get me wrong, I am as OCD and anal-retentive as the next first born child. I love having my ducks in a row. But God has taught me something really big over the last few years - I don’t have to because He is in charge of all of it. And He will give me the grace to handle ALL OF IT if I let Him.
But back to this, “Are you sure?” question. At some point I wonder, have they forgotten it’s worth it - raising kids for Christ? Did they ever think it was worth it? Isn’t it an honor from the Lord in the first place (He gives and takes away…)? I am very passionate about raising my kids, as exhausting as it is and as many days as i have a “losing it” moment (I personally have lots of mine when woken up in the middle of the night). But my friend asked me the other day how I stay at home all day with 2 kids, and all I could think of was, what else would I want to do more? NOTHING. I still love all of it.
But back to this, “Are you sure?” question. At some point I wonder, have they forgotten it’s worth it - raising kids for Christ? Did they ever think it was worth it? Isn’t it an honor from the Lord in the first place (He gives and takes away…)? I am very passionate about raising my kids, as exhausting as it is and as many days as i have a “losing it” moment (I personally have lots of mine when woken up in the middle of the night). But my friend asked me the other day how I stay at home all day with 2 kids, and all I could think of was, what else would I want to do more? NOTHING. I still love all of it.
Blogging
Okay - So I've discovered that wordpress is a bit too sophisticated for this woman. Mostly, I do not have the time to figure out how to find the font, and I am a simple woman. I like things that are user-friendly. And I am not artsy enough to enjoy fiddling with colors, backgrounds & such. I decorate my house the same way. Find something I really like, fix the room up that way, and leave it. I like it, I will probably always like it, and it saves me the hassle & expense of changing it. I also try to keep things simple, so I do not have to worry about it going out of style as much. I want my blog to be the same way. So I've switched to blogger.com.
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