Our oldest son

Our firstborn has something called sensory integration disorder. It is not a serious disorder. It means his central nervous system has not fully developed yet (which is normal for most 2 year olds), but is immature in the sense that it is going to cause some problems. His senses cannot interpret some stimuli correctly, or gets easily overwhelmed (the kid throwing fits in a loud restaurant & similar situations), and his body does not know how to respond to it correctly. At 18 months, LJ started throwing some major tantrums. Our first 18 months were sheer bliss. He was a serious little boy, but very well-behaved and calm-mannered. We knew he was an introvert, he never liked more than 4-6 people in a room, but that was okay. We suffered through as all parents do when we were in crowds. Both of his parents are pretty introverted sometimes too, so we understood. We like socializing for a time, but enjoy coming home to a quiet house.

So back to the tantrums. Well, at first we pretty much chalked it up to early "terrible" (i really think "testing" is more accurate and not as insulting to our kids) twos. I was pregnant with JD, and it was exhausting, but I figured - hey LJ, get it out now so I'm not dealing with it so much while taking care of a newborn. We moved him to a new room with a big bed - that did not go so great. He threw tantrums for every diaper change and most bathtimes. His tantrums were pretty much sunup to sundown. Starting with diaper changes (tantrum) & getting dressed (tantrum), what I served for breakfast (tantrum), do you want apples or bananas? (tantrum), endure them through naptime, put down for a nap (tantrum, tantrum, tantrum - spend the 2 hour naptime dealing with tantrums instead or gated in room), give snack (tantrum), get dinner ready (tantrum, tantrum), bathtime (tantrum), bedtime. Now, every time he had a tantrum, I put him in his room (for better or worse - he was too physical to do time out, I tried holding him, I tried ignoring the tantrum - NONE of it worked). He could not come out till he had calmed down. Most of the time around 18-22 months, it took him an average of 30 minutes to calm down, sometimes shorter, more than often much longer (it took me months to figure out this was beyond the normal tantrum). I would ask him if he was ready to be kind and loving, and he had to acknowledge a "yes" so I knew he heard & understood me. I was as consistant as humanly possible. I was crying by 5pm every night, especially on the days I felt like I spent the whole day putting him in his room. He could spend hours upset. I worked on communication a lot, but there were days I could not figure out what was wrong. Then JD came. LJ got quiet during the day, lined up all his cars, and seemed a little overwhelmed. I talked a lot to him, but he was still only 22 months, and he only talked a little. A lot of times, I didn't know what bothered him or frustrated him, so I did a LOT of guesswork. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it frustrated him more when I couldn't guess it correctly. We went to the library storytime a couple of weeks later. Now, this was not a favorite of his - he did not clap his hands, he did not like the songs you do movements to, but I did it to hopefully get him out & learning these things with other kids. But on this particular day, within 5 or 10 minutes of being there, he started throwing himself on the floor. I took him to the bathroom where he threw a tantrum. It kept going, and going. I started noticing a rash. Where did that come from? Had we been in the woods yesterday? Suddenly it's all over his body. I cannot calm him down. He's still screaming and thrashing. I try holding him, talking to him, ignoring him.....I am sure the whole library thinks I am murdering my child from his screams. Finally my mom comes in the bathroom with JD and helps me get LJ to the car. We go to my dad's medical office down the street, because I am concerned about his rash. Maybe that's why he's thrown the fit? He's hurting? We get in the parking lot at dad's office, and I turn around, and it's gone. He's calm, the rash is gone. He broke out in hives from anxiety. Over the course of the next few months I try to establish a routine for LJ & JD. LJ seems to do a little better with that. We stop going to the library for a couple of months, but then we started going back in the fall. He does better, but he backs himself into a corner. He asks for his cars (which means he wants to line them up - by then, I knew this was not so much a fun thing, but a coping mechanism). Up to this point, most people kept telling me "he's two, he's an introvert, he'll get better". I am standing a few feet away and I see my son showing signs of anxiety. He wants OUT OF THAT ROOM, and his whole body shows it. Now why would he be anxious? We have a quiet home. We are not yellers or screamers. There is no abuse. I have never seen an anxious 2 year old and it made me cry for him. An introverted child sits on their mother's lap and slowly integrates with the group. I went to LJ and we walked out the door - his whole body language changed to joy and relief. So with the anxiety, the lining up of cars, lack of mimicry (non-existent), lack of curiosity (pretty much non-existent), and he would not engage with me in play. I started realizing I was teaching him how to play, race his cars, etc. And more often than not, he rejected my attempts. He'd rather line up those cars. Now, I did not expect a precocious kid, but I did realize most of this did not seem at all like normal 2 year old behavior. So I went to the pediatrician. They recommended a developmental evaluation. So we did it, but we didn't tell anyone at first. See, most people didn't see what we saw at home. LJ was better for people he knew. His 2 best friends he didn't have near as many problems around. His grandparents gave him whatever he wanted (which is what they're supposed to do -- but how many tantrums are you going to have over that?), and chalked all of his insecurities up to being an introvert. No one else saw the all-day tantrums. It took me 30 minutes to convince LJ to get in the car to go anywhere. If plans changed, there was a tantrum. He could not adapt, and it was at a level, it was debilitating for Tim & I. I was so exhausted for compensating for LJ's lack of adaptability, I was willing to do anything. So when we had the evaluation, in about 5 minutes an occupational therapist said he had some sensory integration issues. She asked very pointed questions, and I was amazed at how she knew my son in the span of that short time. After 9 months of hard parenting, I finally had someone who understood my kid and what I was going through as a parent. They recommended some occupational therapy, but said early intervention (before age 3) is key, and his case seemed mild, so he would probably respond really well, and it would greatly help me.

Now, my experience with OT is another post for another day. But I have to say, I have had the best month in a year. I think there have been a couple of key things that have happened that have helped LJ. I definitely have become a completely different kind of parent than I thought I'd be a year ago. God has given me the grace and strength to love my child, teach him, have patience with him, and change myself to meet my 2 year old's needs. God has given me such insight as to who LJ is and what he needs on a minutely basis. LJ is a different kid today. I am overwhelmed by how much joy I have experienced as a mother lately. Our family of 4 went to McAlisters after church. Church is a little bit of a challenge for LJ - other kids in his space, lots of background noise (he has a lack of auditory discrimination and listens to everything), so he usually needs a break afterwards (which means go home to "regroup"). He was WONDERFUL. He was joyful, he ate his lunch, he obeyed, he sat in his seat, he waited while we gave JD a bottle at the end.....Then Daddy had to run some errands, so we went to a park nearby. Again, he obeyed, he got a little frustrated with the equipment - much of it was different from the norm and for older kids - but he was great until Daddy got back. On the way home, Tim & I marveled at the different kid we had in the backseat. It is unfathomable.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us." Ephesians 3:20

Maybe it all started with a prayer to God to help relieve or cure LJ's anxiety and fears, so that He could do exceeding abundantly beyond all that I could ask or imagine....