My husband

I love my husband. We have been through some tough times. Early in marriage, it was sorting out our stubborn personalities. Then he went to grad school. We walked through his mild depression (I knew it, but it took him awhile to realize it). There were times I've felt ignored, neglected, unwanted, frustrated, angry, sad, and lonely. This past month has been a great month. I have seen him grow in his walk in the Lord in new ways. I have seen him ask hard questions of himself. I have seen him realize new truths in his life. I am seeing him fall in love with his boys even more. I feel so blessed right now. There are moments I think "life can't get any better than this". Yet I know heaven will be! I feel so undeserving. It scares me sometimes when I enjoy life this much that God has something waiting around the corner that's hard or devastating. I am aware of the reality. Life is hard. It is disappointing. Sin is an ever-present reality that affects everything in our lives - our circumstances, our attitudes, our relationships. But what I can appreciate about marrying a man who loves the Lord is there is the hope that he will seek God and make the right decisions for our family. That he will work with me to fight for our marriage, our oneness, and try to work through things as they come up. That he will not give up. As a wife, my deepest fear is that he will leave (I'm sure none of you can relate). But I have to say, God has given me the confidence that not only will He take care of me regardless, but that I really think (hope?) that God will give me the grace that my husband is in this for the long haul, and I will get to enjoy if not a long life with him, a fulfilling life. Too morose? Sorry. I am sure I will have some more light-hearted posts, but I love to share these kinds of things in hopes that someone can relate and to share a part of who I am. Any of you that knows me well (which are probably the only ones reading), knows I am too serious for my own good. I am not the friend you come to for a good laugh -- but I desperately need those friends for myself! If these blogs get too depressing, you may have to remind me to lighten up a little. :)