Life

Okay, so amidst my new joyful attitude, yesterday came & blew it out. Well, at this point I would go into details, but the initial frustration, hurt, disappointment is pretty much over. Suffice it to say, my husband was tired, and when he's tired, I should have expectations in the negative category. He is not going to think beyond what he wants/needs to do, and I cannot expect otherwise. Even if it's the day we're supposed to celebrate my birthday. And the first day off he's had in 3 weeks.

So what do you do on a day like that? Years ago, I would have just swallowed the hurt and carried it with me for a long time without saying anything. Now, I am perfectly content with letting him know what is wrong. The problem is that whole male/female communication thing. It takes about 5 conversations for us to really hear what the other one is saying. He wants to blame it on hormones (WHY do they blame EVERYTHING on hormones???), I want to blame it on inconsideration.....it goes downhill from there. He says "get over it" (really, one of my pet peeves in our arguments, mainly because he whines about every ache & pain, and I have to suffer it patiently with him). So at the end of a really bad day for us, we finally have some great, deep, hard conversations - about everything: us, our family (our 4), our church, community, men relationships, change, etc. I challenged him on several things, and he expressed some of his deepest concerns. I appreciate that. I would rather get hard honesty than feel like I'm fighting an invisible beast.

I think it's hard for men with families. I think as women we don't give them enough credit for how responsible they feel for providing for their families, keeping the roof over their head, putting food on the table, providing for their kids, wanting to give their wives whatever our current desire is, working at their job and trying to move up, and feeling like they have to help us out all the time. I think most of them take it quite seriously, probably often feel like they fail (which we only add to sometimes), and many of them are probably very stressed at all the worries that plague them. I do think some husbands give up & just do whatever, but I would venture to say that is not the norm, at least early on in a marriage.

Sure, it's difficult for those of us with kids. It's hard to juggle everything and be the wife he wants us to be. But it's hard for him too. He needs our support and encouragement. He needs to feel desired, not just needed. In my 7th year of marriage, I very easily see how marriages don't always make it. If you don't push through, if you neglect your relationship, if you allow the kids to divide you & your spouse, you will be either fighting for a long time, or someone will leave. I am encouraged that Tim and I push through, because our marriage gets better. We have sought people to help us walk through different things, and we have both gleaned wisdom. But as a whole, marriage takes work, it takes self-inspection, it takes working very hard to pursue your spouse and admitting you don't have all the answers. I think ours really changed with having kids, and you have to change with it. I continue to have to remake myself as a person (or truthfully, allow God to change me and mold me) to adapt to our family of 4.

I am thankful that God is still working on me, and working on my husband. I cling to the hope that He will always be walking with us, and taking care of us. It doesn't mean we won't have bad days like yesterday, but it does mean I can count on Him to carry us through it, and use it to mold us to be more like Him.

And I am thankful to have a husband who is super sweet after our arguments....