This Week's Musings

This week is going to be a fun week. Lots of playtime for LJ, lots of learning for me. We have LJ's 6 month evaluation of his sensory issues on Wednesday. Lately there are moments I think I must have been crazy to think he struggled with things. But then I remember the days. The long, long days of last year. Of dreading going places. And I rejoice. I was at church today, singing one of those praise songs with lots of "alleluias", thinking I truly feel that. I have seen what God has done in LJ in the last 4 months, and stand back amazed. He talks, he interacts, he initiates talking to other people. He looks people in the eye - he looked AT the camera today and smiled instead of frowning and looking at the floor! He's joyful, he's unafraid - I just don't even know when or how it happened. There are still a few moments here and there I see his "I need to escape" mode, but he communicates what he needs, and we deal with it. No tantrums (except the typical toddler "I WANT IT" :)!

Now, I still am curious as to what they will say as far as the school-type environment goes. Mother's morning out, preschool....how do I handle these decisions? He still does not enjoy singing songs, doing crafty things with a program, etc. As long as he is in control, he can handle it. Should I expose him to these things to help him adjust? Do I continue to protect his spirit right now and let him live in joy and this newfound freedom from fear? Where is the balance?
I can't wait to hear their perspective!

I was talking to a friend recently and we were talking about when God asks you to go there, on a step of faith, doing what is not rational or logical, following His call - whether location or deed or sacrifice, and she brought up Abraham and Isaac. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. I read the passage this morning in Genesis again - I have not read it in a long time. Abraham takes the tools, he takes his firstborn son, and basically says, "okay God, I'll do it". Now anyone that is a parent, and many who are not, would say NEVER. God, I can't do that!! I think the story symbolizes God's ownership and Lordship of us. (Our pastor was talking about John 10 this am and it talks about how the Shepherd owns His sheep.) If He owns all of it, then we are just stewards of it. Just like Adam was to be a steward of the garden of Eden, so we are to be stewards of our money, our relationships, anything God gives us (which is everything we have). But I tangent. This is related to what I was talking about several blogs ago. Sometimes God is just asking - can you give it up? Can you make a sacrifice? Do you TRUST ME? That I know what's best and I will never ask of you what is not a part of My will. Abraham surely passed the test of trust. Right before he sacrificed his beloved son, God provided a substitute offering. They named the alter "the Lord provides". God just wants to know if He has our whole heart. Undivided. That my heart is not given over to my flesh, my sin, the world, idols or my husband, my family, my friends, my house, my money, my stuff....that at the end of the day, I consider "better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere." And that I would give it all up to be with Him, honor Him, trust Him. When they call it a "leap of faith", I think they really mean it's like jumping off a cliff and having no idea if you will land safely at all. I can testify He has caught me every time I have trusted Him first. I can also testify that I cannot go any deeper in my relationship with Him when I am holding onto things in my life, that I am held back from experiencing this full life He wants to give me until I give it up to Him. (John 10 - Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.")