A Time to Blossom

"And the day came 

when the risk to remain 

tight in a bud was more painful 

than the risk it took to blossom."  

Anais Nin

As a mom of a kid with special needs, as a mom of four kids with food allergies, I have spent the last ten years serving, sacrificing, surviving. For the first time in ten years, I have drawn breath.  In the moment, I didn't see it.

When you are in the dark, you can't see.

When you are in the wilderness, you are lost.

When you come out of it, you are bewildered. You squint at the light, like you don't recognize it. You rub your eyes, because you cannot believe you see the water, the town, the life that you were lost from. You feel disoriented, unable to get your bearings.  This is what I have felt like over the last couple of months.  Like a newborn baby, opening it's eyes for the first time.  Like Lazarus, I feel like the dead coming back to life.

I can feel Jesus bringing me back to life.

His Spirit.

His vision.

His calling.

"There is an appointed time for everything.  

And there is a time for every event under heaven -

A time to give birth, and a time to die; 

A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill, and a time to heal; 

A time to tear down, and a time to build up.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; 

A time to mourn, and a time to dance."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

In allowing me to breathe, by pouring rain into our life, God has shown me it is a time to heal, to build up, to laugh, to dance...He has seasons for all of us.  I have been praying for God's rain for two years, and seen glimpses of it, only for Him to show me there was still tearing down and weeping and mourning to do.  I don't know all of His purposes in it yet, but I can feel His Spirit building me up, that I may share and build up others.  I know He will not waste the darkness, the wilderness, the tears.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

The suffering we go through, at some point, is meant to be a comfort and encouragement to others.

Sometimes it takes the form of a listening ear, a hug, an "I understand, I've been there too." 

Sometimes God gives us the grace to share with others while we are suffering.

Sometimes God gives us the strength to share after He has renewed us....and maybe revived us?

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:28, NIV

The NASB version says, "that it may give grace to those who hear."

I don't know what the Lord has in store for me next.

I don't know what the Lord has in store for you.

But I pray that it may be for the building up of others.

I don't want to "remain tight in a bud."  I don't want to stay in the wilderness.  

I pray that it is a time for our family, and yours, to blossom into who God wants us to be.

How to be an Everyday Blessing to Others

We are a bunch of selfish creatures.  At least, we are, speaking for my family.  So as many homeschooling moms do, I found a new mission.

The kids and I are going to start a mission of encouraging others.  Thinking of others.

We have started this in small ways over the last few years, but this year, they are older, and I decided to step it up.  Around Christmas, we started to make notes for people who may not have a lot of people think of them.  We made a couple of fun presents for those that may give, but not receive much. We continued that for Valentine's, then Easter.  There are so many ways I want to expand this, and soon.

People just want to know others are thinking of them.

Then I started thinking of how we could encourage those who came to our house.  A friend of mine had a prayer box at her house, and I thought that could be something we could do.

I think our kids and the neighbor kids have contributed the most to it, but my hope and prayer for putting it in the guest bathroom, is that it is private enough, visitors may increasingly contribute to our prayer box.  And if not, it reminds our kids that there are others in need to keep praying for...and encourages them to have their own list of people to pray for.  (Credit to Target for cute boxes already painted for the non-crafty, and to Amazon Prime for cute labels.)

But then, I keep thinking, how can we be more thankful?  How can I teach thankfulness more than just modeling it?

It finally hit me a few days ago.  A Thankfulness Journal.

It is going to sit on my kitchen table, where anyone can add what they are thankful for.  It can be vague or specific.  It will sit in a place where visitors can sign it and mutually encourage our family to be thankful.  (More credit to Target for cheap decorating options.  And yes, I know Easter was almost 3 weeks ago.)  Maybe as they read it, we can encourage them. That life is more than keeping-up-with-the-Jones' or the Kardashians' or whomever the new kid on the block is...

This could be a complete bomb of an experiment, but if it gets our kids thinking about what they are thankful for, I will consider it a success.  If it can encourage others, even better.

How does your family reach out to others in the every day?  Please share!

When Your Marriage Needs Life

Marriage is hard.  It seems like the longer you're married, the harder it becomes.  The harder life gets as you get older, sometimes the more marriage is about surviving.  Some couples are strong.  They start strong and they stay strong, and God is gracious to them.  Some couples struggle.  Some couples start with struggles, and the struggles only get more difficult.  Or maybe they start strong, but life interrupts and they never really recover.

Every marriage is different.  Mine has always been the one that struggles.  We are two stubborn, sinful people who have struggled overcoming our stubbornness and sinfulness.

But God has still been gracious to us.  He has used our marriage to sanctify us, refine us, and make something beautiful.  But it has been 15 years in the making, and I am sure that it will only continue.

There are 3 things I have learned that have breathed new life in our marriage:

1) Marriage needs fun moments.  When life gets hard, marriage needs laughter.  Not the sarcastic, talking-down-to-your-spouse kind.  The goofy-dancing-with-the-kids kind.  Or, as in the picture below, catch a lunch-date while waiting on your son's scan (reality check).  You can't survive the bad without having enough good moments to counter-balance the bad.

2) Marriage needs date nights. Even if they are stay home, after-the-kids-are-in-bed, date nights.  Order take out.  Pick up a pint of his ice cream and her ice cream. Watch Netflix. Organize a child care rotation with neighbors or members from your church and go to a painting class on a Groupon purchase (which also creates that laughter and fun moments if you are not an artist, like me!). 

3) Find a hobby that just you and your spouse do together.  Do something new.  Have your own book club.  Try photography or woodworking or painting.  Color the adult coloring books together.  Make your own graphic novels together.  The possibilities are endless.  Try a few different things until you find something that works.  

Life is stressful enough.  Put some joy into it.  You may struggle liking your spouse right now.  The idea of spending more time together feels like more stress, not less.  I completely understand.  Find something that does not involve whatever the stress is about.  Escape the stress together, and you both may find healing in the escape.

Staying Healthy

After a great (not perfect!) weekend, my son crashed the very next day (Monday) and I crashed with him. The lesson in it:  I found I need to stay the course to stay healthy - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I have had a hard time keeping up with my gym time in the summer. We want to get together with friends while their kids are out of school, and LJ's health somehow always takes a down turn during the heat. I have gotten better about spending time with God each day in the mornings, although there are still days I miss.  I find it is critical to my health to do these things.  I had gone 5 days without going to the gym until today.  It was 5 days too long. Why can't I work out at home, you ask?  Her name is EW. She is 2 years old. EW needs her own blog to share her antics. It is probably a mental thing for me, but when my other option is doing it by myself and getting a shower to boot, working out at home doesn't have the same appeal.  I could walk around the block with the kids, but we barely make it a mile, and we go so slow, I feel jipped. And no shower. I like to feel clean at least every other day.

 

I made it to the gym today, and mentally I feel so much better! There is a down side to it.  We do less of other things, like getting together with friends who have kids who take afternoon naps. Or we miss the $1 summer movie. Or we miss a homeschool group get together. I try to work around these things, but I find if I skip too many days, I mentally do not do as well. I have to boost my serotonin. I already look forward to Thursday. And Saturday.

As mothers, we drown. We drown in the everyday, the errands, the kids play dates or activities, the laundry, the house...half the year, birthdays sneak up on me (thank goodness for Target and Amazon Prime!)!  After my 3rd child, and lots and lots and lots of stress, I decided to do something for me.  You know that whole concept of compounding interest? I did that with weight with each child. Because the first 3 kids were so close together, I just added whatever was left from the last child to the new pregnancy weight gain. Most of the time, the weight didn't bother me. If you know me, my life goal has never been to be skinny. My mom was a baton twirled/cheerleader type. I was never going to live up to that, not when I was built like my dad's side of the family. Again, if you know me, I am not really the "Ra, Ra, Ra" type unless you count me rooting for my Auburn Tigers (football starts in a month!).  I probably have self image issues somewhere, but overall, I don't focus on my appearance much. Enough to take care of myself, but no drive to be the elusive "perfect."  God gave me other issues to wrestle with. But I digress.  I was feeling very tired (which has been a lifelong struggle) and knew if I wanted to reach 40 without diabetes or heart issues, I should lose some of the weight. Did I mention the stress? Yes, so the gym would probably help with that too. I met with a trainer, met with a nutritionist, lost some weight, got in a routine, and.....got pregnant.  I have been going for 4 or 5 years now. I still gained plenty of weight with EW.  It took me a very long time to lose the baby weight because she had food allergies while I was nursing, which restricted my diet significantly (of course, she couldn't be allergic to something that would help me like sugar).  Now, I have been doing it so long, I am addicted. I notice when my stress increases, I crave going to the gym. I hate exercise. So many days, I can feel the fatigue in my limbs.  I feel like I am going to pass out before, during, and after working out.  But my brain loves the serotonin boost. After awhile, I feel awake and energized and optimistic about life.  That gets pretty addictive. I will say, what I told my husband for years, no one is ever going to exercise or lose weight unless THAT PERSON wants it. Every well-meaning encouragement, every subtle comment about eating dessert....none of it will ever motivate someone to change their exercise or eating habits. I had to want it.  I had to want it so bad, I was willing to work my life around it. God gave me the grace to want it, the funds to temporarily have a trainer and visit a nutritionist to get me started, and the grace to stay committed. I haven't lost weight in 9 months, I have probably gained weight, but it isn't about a number for me. I feel physically strong and mentally healthy.  Did I mention that uninterrupted shower I get too?  And childcare for my 2 year old (aka wild child) for $40 per month?  Win-win-win-win!


Who knew 4 kids would turn me into a gym rat??

Book Review!

A situation came up for us last weekend that made me realize I have not done enough educating to those around us.  I am pretty open about LJ' s health. I can't hide it, it creeps up on us when we least expect it, and it affects him behaviorally, so I prefer people know he would help it if he could.  We are a mess. It would be an exercise in futility to pretend otherwise.  

While LJ' s siblings understand this is our normal, others do not.  And I am so bad at that. What is the etiquette for teaching other people's kids what epilepsy is? Or immune deficiency? Or autism? Half of the parents I talk to don't know what an immune deficiency is. I can barely explain what epilepsy is to my own children.  But this situation demanded I figure it out.

So I googled and browsed Amazon, and read reviews and finally decided on 2 books for kids with epilepsy.  This particular book was perfect.  It was called, "The Great Katie Kate Explains Epilepsy" by M. Maitland DeLand.  It talks about several different kinds of seizures, how it affects them (it even mentions incontinence!), what testing kids have to go through, and how it gets treated.

We finally sat down as a family tonight and read it.

Afterwards, I could almost see my son physically relax.  I told him we would share this with friends and cousins, so they would understand what he goes through more. Anyone he wanted to share it with.  I think it helped him understand what he goes through, too.  You could almost see the relief in his body language.  I have tried to explain it in the past what goes on in the brain during a seizure, but clearly my squiggly lines were not adequate education. I am so thankful people write books like these for families like mine.

Now, where to find one on immune deficiency....

The Art of Shoe Shopping

Today, while the older kids were at Backyard Bible Club (thanks to the grace of God - seriously), EW and I went shoe shopping.  She has this way of running and scooting on her bikes that tears off the toes of her shoes.

OLD

She will be 3 in September, but she is the most agile of the 4 kids. I knew last time I bought her shoes, we needed Stride Rite shoes. They have rubber on the tips that help protect it. However, for some reason they only sell them in hot pink.  EW is a ginger.

The older she gets, the worse pink looks on her. I avoid buying pink now, and even though the shoes will go on her feet, it won't match a lot of her clothes if I buy pink shoes. So in March, I bought grey Merrills (they still were lined with pink), and in 3 months, she ruined them.  This is not my first time around the block. She is the 4th kid. All of the other kids, I was able to pass down some of their shoes, and usually I can stretch tennis shoes almost 6 months.  Even her flip flops have their tips worn through. All of her boots were ruined last winter unless I held them back for special days.

So today, when presented with Stride Rite shoes, what were my options? Hot pink and hot rainbow with a lot of hot pink. So we got some seriously hot pink shoes. I hope they last. At least the turquoise matched her outfit today.  That turquoise on the tips? Yes, that will hopefully prevent holes. She tried them on, put her old shoes in the back of the stroller, then immediately got in her stroller to leave with her new shoes on. At least she knows what she wants.  I had to make her wait until I paid for the shoes.

NEW

Wild child. Love her.

Soaking Up the Blessings

After our huge dose of reality Friday morning, I started off an amazing weekend. If I could guarantee every weekend would be like this, I would look forward to it every week!

Friday night was ladies night. These are ladies who have walked through the dark days with me.  Ladies I have laughed and cried with, shared worries and paranoia and research with.  Ladies who have seen me through EVERY diagnosis of LJ.  There are insufficient words to describe what they mean to me. These are ladies handpicked by God to walk with me through this journey.  We laughed, we cried, we ate, and we shared wine. What is not to love about ladies like that?

Saturday we woke to Museum of the Waxhaws' Living History Day and gold panning with the kids.  It was a very hot day, but fun was had by all, and I slipped some homeschool history in. Win-win.

Saturday night was DATE NIGHT!  Date night is always a good reason to be excited about the weekend! We tried a new chicken place, and bought furniture for the new pad!  I felt seriously spoiled.  

Farmhouse style, I love you.

Today we had fellowship with new neighbor friends.  (They are not really new neighbors, we just had not met them until recently.)  They have 2 boys close to our kids' ages, and we found we had a lot in common. We met them at a mutual neighbors' house, and invited them over.  I wouldn't say we knew each other well enough to say they were friends before today, but now, I think we might have found some life-long friends.  

I think my favorite part about this weekend is I spent it with the people I love the most, and met new friends who might also become a part of those precious few. The precious few who you are closest to and support you, no matter what happens. The precious few who love you for who you are.  The precious few who love you as God loves you.