Relationships

I am dealing with relationships right now. I am tired of being guilted into things. I am tired of having people attempt to manipulate me. I am tired of feeling like I have to defend myself. God has brought me a little of the way, in that I used to allow others to guilt me into things, to manipulate me, and I would defend myself. Now, I am better at staying put, being content, and doing what I feel is right for myself and for my family. I remind myself that after my first love to God, my next responsibility is to be a godly wife and mother and make decisions that coincide with that ("Blessed is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere" - Psalms). But that does not seem to lessen my frustration with some of my relationships.

On the other hand, I have some beautiful relationships, and maybe that is what makes the difference so stark now. I have some beautiful friendships that encourage me, listen to me, build me up, help me pursue my walk with God, and are just a continuous blessing to me. I feel very blessed when I think of my many special friends that are like that. And I have to say, they are definitely the majority (thank you Jesus). What is the saying, one bad apple spoils the lot? I think I realized recently that sometimes it is that one bad apple (whether person or circumstance) that steals our joy. How do I prevent people or things from stealing my joy? My joy should be in Christ regardless. But then, there are moments I feel Satan using it to step in my life and steal my joy. Kind of like Job, when God allowed Satan to step into Job's life and take everything precious to him.



Of course, when I look back a year ago, I couldn't have said how you experience joy. I allowed my expectations of myself and others' expectations of me to dictate much of how I felt. As God has released me of these burdens and revealed to me how to live in His grace, I have experienced more joy in the last 6 months than probably my whole life. So I am very begrudging when I feel my joy being stolen from me against my will, against what I can control.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me," was King David's cry in the Psalms. May I listen to His calling to continue to love others and consider them better than myself (Phil 2) - it is so hard sometimes. My joy is not in earthly things, so I must continue to "seek first His kingdom, and all things things shall be added unto you..."



I know I ramble a lot, but hopefully this is an example of my struggles, and how God draws me to Himself again through the Holy Spirit. I don't listen any better than you, but His Word and His Spirit do remind me of Who He is and His Truth in my life, whether I feel like listening or not. I'm still trying to open my ears to hear today, and these are the thoughts/ramblings He gives me as I seek His face in the midst of my broken heart. I'm so thankful we will be restored in Heaven - what a blessed day that will be!



"If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next." Elisabeth Elliott