Prison

Do you ever feel trapped? There are situations in my life where I am like a bird...my wings are tied down, I'm caged, and my whole spirit feels weighed down, begging for release. There are few things so upsetting to me as to feel trapped, like I'm locked in a prison. My body starts going into "trapped mode" and I feel physically ill from the stress. I long to yell, scream, cry, and yet I know that all of it is my sinful self rebelling. And yet, is it that, or the sins of others affecting me or both? God calls us to live in freedom. Why do I feel in bondage? One of my blog ideas was to write about bitterness - how our own personal bitterness affects and hurts those around us and we don't see it. I am still struggling with feeling in bondage around certain people. Is it my lack of love and mercy? Is it their bitterness and pride and selfishness that binds me? I want to run from this bondage, this trapped feeling. If I say something, it's misconstrued. Or I'm scorned. So I say nothing. Even this can be misinterpreted for pride or arrogance. I can't win. I have loved, I have been loving, but it is like pouring it in a poisonous quicksand. It gets eaten up, faster than I can pray for it. I have been told to be myself, but I have found when I do that, it's like a balloon that gets popped. There is no joy to be had around bitterness. It snuffs out those who try to seek goodness and love. "Misery loves company." It's true. They don't want to be around joyful people; they don't want to hear what God is doing in your life. And maybe that's the saddest part of all. They've lost hope for themselves. They are in a prison of their own making.

I will tangent a little here, and come back around to make another point. There is a philosophy of thought in teaching your children about choices. I love this philosophy. I feel like this teaches our children there are consequences to every choice you make. I think what our culture has failed to teach us is that EVERY choice we make leads us to where we are today. This is why it is so important that God is involved in every detail of our lives. Because He can help us make good choices - and not just the normal moral ones, but ones about how we view things, our attitudes about things, and seeing His purpose in this sinful world that fails and disappoints us.
Contentment is a choice. It is an action. It is choosing that I will be satisfied with what God has given me regardless. I hope to teach my children that by choosing contentment, they evade bitterness. By choosing thankfulness, they escape discontent. By choosing love and forgiveness, they choose a road that leads to contentedness, happiness if you will. But if they choose to hold a grudge, they choose unforgiveness and that is sin. I do get frustrated sometimes when I see choices that have led to bitterness. Sin leads to death and not just eternal death, but a death of the spirit. Have you ever been around or even lived with, a really bitter person? Theirs is a death of the spirit. No one wants to be around them because they have nothing left that is nice to say or because it is like a disease, and spreads to those around them. I say this not with judgment, but sadness. Because it takes great courage to even be around a bitter person in hopes to encourage them and bring them some kind of joy. And I wish I was a braver person more of the time.

"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1: 5-9

This is God's lesson to me today. These blogs are like His pep talks to me in written form. When I wrote about bravery, it reminded me of the passage "be strong and courageous" in the Bible, so I looked it up. There it is - God talking to Joshua. As relevant to me today, as it was to Joshua then. If I follow God's lead, he will never leave me; do not be discouraged, He is with me wherever I go. Follow His lead, and I will be successful (content, happy). It goes to that passage I believe in Romans - if God is for me, who can be against me? If I am seeking first His kingdom, He is with me. I think the most difficult thing is not knowing what following Him means in certain circumstances, and Satan uses the not knowing parts of things against me. Satan discourages me mightily with the unknowns. He conjures up all kinds of possibilities in my mind to lead me to this trapped feeling.

Forgive me, I am still overwhelmed. Pray for me, that I will meditate on His Word "day and night." And hopefully, I will have something less melancholy to write of the next time. God willing, it will be a more hopeful and joyful message of what He has obtained victory over. Blessings to you.